there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's official drugs can't kill me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
