You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
