Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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