I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
