Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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