i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
