YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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