we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
