ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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