I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
