All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
