You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
