I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize