dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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