The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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