people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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