Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
