This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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