Jerry, you need to find god
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
