if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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