Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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