So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
