My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
