Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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