Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
3pm strippers are depressing
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
