Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
