I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
