sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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