I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
