he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I cut my penus on the lid.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
