dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
