I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
