I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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