how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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