it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've blown a few things in my day
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
