I'm going to jail i love you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
