and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
