I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
