your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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