hotel room ftw
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
