sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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