i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
