Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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