I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize