What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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