his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
