Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The struggles of a small town man whore
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
