people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
