Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
