I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
