So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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