I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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