and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
