So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
