I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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