I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
