i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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