that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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