He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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