I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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