you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
