Porn is love you can see.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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