On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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