his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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