Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize