I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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