she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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