porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
