You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
