He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
