Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
