69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
