My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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