I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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