From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wish there were birth control emojis
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
