I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
