Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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