you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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