Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
