I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
