I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
